Today I found an old photo of my self. It made me sad for "the good old days" as they say. You know, the days where you could perform a casting ceremony, then get burned at the stake after. If I could cry sentimental tears, or any tears at all, I would cry them bitterly. These days, people are less disturbed by witchcraft. I mean there is still a good level of disturbing, just less. Anyway, I was very impressed with my photo. I was so young and vibrant. Once upon a time. At that time in my life I was only a humble sales associate at the department store. Unfortunately I still will not name it for your own safety.  But my manager, was a very talented hypnotist. He once convince the entire staff to throw chickens at pedestrians.  Good times. I would post a picture of him, but he recently got extensive plastic surgery before faking his death, then burned all his childhood photos. But here's my photo. Now please be gracious, I was 300 years younger, so I look much different.  
                        
                                Sincerely, 
                                          Your supreme overlord 

Weird at last, Weird at last

Some people, and you know who you are, like to pretend that they are not weird. I don't mean weird like, eating people weird, cause thats a whole other level of weird that I refuse to go into. I meant more of a, lick rain off the pavement or feeding frogs to sheep weird. To deny ones weirdness is to deny ones self. For example, last week I was at work on the early morning shift at the department store that, for your own safety, will remain nameless. Anyway, as I was working, Arnold, my best work friend, came in wearing less makeup then was usual for her. When I asked, she told me that a customer had made fun of her for lathering so much on, after which she burst into tear, making her new dress all soggy. I assured her that she looked beautiful with or with out the make up, and even if she didn't, what business was it of theirs? Apparently my words did the trick because the next day, Arnold was back to all her bearded glory. My point is that you should not try to hide the true psychopath we all know you are inside. Because if you do, we will have to extract it from you, through a series of long, painful procedures. So readers, remember, be yourself, or suffer the consequences. 
           
                             Sincerely, 
                                       Your supreme Overlord